Climb Out of the Hole

You cannot know sober until you know drunk.
You cannot know freedom until you know addiction.
I cannot know height until I know deep darkness.

Within me is nothing.
I search for something,
But always hope to never find anything.

Thus completing my search,
Finding something means I should have hope,
I should aspire to climb out of my hole.

I search.
I live in absence.
I'm comfortably numb.

Control

I have none.
I want it.
I have none.

I was better than you.
I was better than most.
But I ended up worst...

It controls me.
I feed and fall deep into despair.
It is my enemy.

I make no real effort to change,
Meaning I must be accepting of it.
At least on the outside, but deep inside, I loathe myself.

My world, my life has been arranged around it.
My friend, my family all are accepting of it.
Yet I wish I could never feel that again.

I have none.
I do not want any.
I do not want any of it.

I succumb to it.